It's that time of year again when the jingles ring in the shopping centers and anyone who works in retail develops a twitch in their left eye that could be measured with the Richter Scale
So what better time to destroy a classic 1939 R. L. May tale about an abused character who is chastised and mock until of course they needed him, when he became the most popular kid on the block!
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
(it wasn't alcohol related)
had a very shiny nose.
(it was the 30's, pre-Clearasil era)
And if you ever saw him,
(He was a deer with a bioluminescent sniffer...you'd better have seen him!)
you would even say it glows.
(Well not really, it shines...it's not phosphorescent)
used to laugh and call him names.
(PSA: It get's better!)
They never let poor Rudolph
(Oh he's poor now, is he?)
join in any reindeer games.
(They are like deer games, but theirs a monarchical parade first)
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
(Note to Republicans, this is not evidence against global warming... the 30's had foggy winters sometimes)
Santa came to say:
("Oh dear me, how'd I get so damn fat in the arctic tundra...how many of you reindeer did I eat!?")
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
(They flew over Pickering that one time...ever since...)
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
(Nevermind the insults and teasings; we need you now!)
Then all the reindeer loved him
(Rudolph come lately)
as they shouted out with glee,
(Glee was shouting since the 30s! They'll surely run out of material soon.)
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
(We've been through this...ok maybe they wet their snouts a little. It's cold up there!!)
you'll go down in history!
(and be marketed by Macy's and Walmart to sell crap for the holidays)