Today's What-The-Friday is brought to you by insane parents of bratty kids! (And their lawyers, and activist groups...)
The Center for Science in the Public Interest is not the most famous groups in the world, nor are they one worthy of much merit. What is essentially the legal wing of an overgrown Mommy-and-me squad of obsessive parents who don't trust the world to manage their own caloric intake... is at it again!
I'm going to try to be as non-biased as possible in saying that this group, and many like it, are the ones behind the removal of soft-drink vending machines in schools (a school is no place to educate children and let them make their own decisions!) , the movement to label everything with it's nutrition content (WHAT!? That bag of peanuts may contain nuts!!! It damn-well better or Mr.Peanut will be receiving a very strongly worded letter from me!), and let's not forget to mention the movement to restrict the labeling of "diet" items to not persuade people into thinking the double-fudge whipped-cream and cheese-cake filled pastry was good for them because it was made with low-fat milk.
Image sourced from http://www.pantherkut.com
It's been four long years, but we finally have an answer. For so long we've pondered the mysterious and illusive ways that cats drink. The conclusions we've found along the way are just simple astonishing!
1. Cats don't use straws... no matter how hard you try!
2. Cats don't like fizzy drinks... gives them gas...
3. Cats have very expensive taste in wine... must be the refined sense of smell
4. There is no #4.
5. I'm just making this rubbish up, let's get back to the real science.
So this is an actual thing, researchers have actually been studying the way cats drink for four years and have released their findings in science journals. It turns out cats all drink the same way. Whether it be a tiny house-cat or a lion, they all employ the same tricks to lap up liquids. The method, sticking a barbed tongue into the liquid and quickly removing it to form a column of liquid that they clamp their mouth shut on before swallowing the fluid. Some cats have even developed the ability to curl their tongues into a ladle like shape to scoop the water into their mouths. Sound a bit weird? Well watch it in slow-mo for yourself:
We here at Memento Mori have spent an arduous amount of time researching the contents of the internet. We've spent hours gathering stats on what you people like and what sorts of things keep people coming back, day after day, to the net...
From the data we've gathered, we have determined without a doubt that... you people are sick! Oh my! The stuff you like is disgusting and wrong, very wrong!
The only thing we found that wasn't perverse, gross, or borderline illegal was cats! How you guys love your cats! Whether they are doing funny things, speaking with poor grammar, or relentlessly chasing cheezeburgers... you guys have made it loud and clear! Bring on the Caturday!